The woman that I am today.

I stood within the wreckage of what I now called home. Everything seemed to be falling around me and though everything seemed broken I somehow felt free. I allowed myself to take it all in. I closed my eyes and I let it all fall away. All the expectations for what life should be all the expectations of how I should feel, and all of the fear that kept me from being who I am for so long just fell away. I don’t want to act a certain way to keep others comfortable or happy. I’ve come to terms that it is not my responsibility to keep other adults happy regardless of the relationship we share. Happiness comes wholeheartedly from oneself. For so long I took on that responsibility and it left my energy drained. I remember in my 20’s, my life really didn’t belong to me and I say this because I didn’t matter to myself. It was all about my bf. Everything I did was for him. He tried to leave me and I would crumble, I even threatened to hurt myself. I look back back on that time and I ask the girl I was for forgiveness because I as the woman that I’ve become had no idea how to love myself. I only knew attachment. Attachment is in no form love. It is fear based. Fear of being alone. Fear of not feeling whole without another person. Those voids are not the responsibility of others. We are responsible to heal those voids all on our own and only then is when we will experience soul love.